Position Vacant

After leaving the workforce six years ago to have two children, upon returning to work I was faced with the issue of having to update my resume. In my wildest dreams I would never have thought to add the fact that I am a “mother” under my “Work History”. I thought that a future employer would turn up their nose at reading that. But after attending a tafe course I learnt that yes, experience in this position is a real life skill and certainly worthy of a place on your resume, particularly as it lets the future employer know what you have been doing in your time. Take the time to read the following advertisement, see how good you are:-

Position Vacant: HOUSEWIFE

Applications are invited for the position of manager of a lively team of four demanding individuals of differing needs and personalities. The successful applicant will be required to perform and co-ordinate the following functions: companion, counselor, financial manager, buying officer, teacher, nurse, chef, nutritionist, decorator, cleaner, driver, child care supervisor, social secretary and recreation officer.

Qualifications: Applicants must have unlimited drive and the strongest sense of responsibility if they are to succeed in this job. They must be independent and self-motivated, and be able to work in isolation and without supervision. They must be skilled in the management of people of all ages. They must be able to work under stress, for long periods of time if necessary. They must have flexibility to perform a number of conflicting tasks at the one time without tiring. They must have the adaptability to handle all new developments in the life of the team, including emergencies and serious crises. They must be able to communicate on a range of issues with people of all ages, including public servants, school teachers, doctors, dentists, trades people, teenagers and children. They must be competent in the practical skills listed above. They must be healthy, creative, active and outgoing, to encourage the physical and social development of the team members. They must have imagination, sensitivity, warmth, love and understanding since they are responsible for the mental and emotional well being of the team.

Hours of Work: All waking hours and a 24 hour shift when necessary.

Pay: No salary or wage. Allowances by arrangement, from time to time, with the income-earning member of the team. The successful applicant may be required to hold a second job, in addition to the one advertised here.

Benefits: No guaranteed holidays. No guaranteed sick leave, maternity leave or long service leave. No guaranteed life or accident insurance. No worker’s compensation. No superannuation.(From a discussion paper on unpaid housewife published by the New Zealand Ministry of Women’s Affairs in September, 1988)

To quote http://www.overberginfo.com/ website

“When to Know You’re a Mother”

• In the interests of world peace you count the sprinkles one each kid’s cupcakes to make sure they’re equal.
• You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
• You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
• Your kid throws up and you catch it.
• Someone else’s kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
• You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.
• You’ve mastered the art of placing large quantities of mince, mash, peas and carrots on a plate without anything touching.
• Your child insists that you read “once upon a potty” in a public place – like the doctors waiting room – and you do it.